Three men died on the 401. A soldier, a teacher, and a tobacco executive. As their spirits await for the hereafter, a troop of valkyries descend to the scene.
Hovering over the wreckage, they sang in unison:
_As you live in unfortunate times, And no more wars may you battle in glory, Vahalla, the ancient hall sits empty.
Odin, the Allfather, had decree: Take those that merry in strife, Those who in life had lived.
All three men, surprised by their predicament, nevertheless, remembered bits of Norse mythology and relished to spend eternity with these warrior women in the golden halls of eternal feast.
The soldier stood forward first, and said:
A warrior all my life, in countless conflicts I had been, Surely you must take me to your hall of honeyed mead.
The valkyries replied:
Though stout at heart The wars you fought had been for peace.
Always standing, Always staring, While all around you horrors heaped.
We have no need for your kind. Begone!
Dark hands from the ground dragged him to Hel, the underworld.
The teacher spoke next:
All my life had been a struggle Every student is a new battle. Take me to your golden hall, And I will sing as I teach.
The valkyries replied:
Every student had been a struggle But none had you ever defeat.
Those with will had passed. Those with talent succeeded. Those with neither came to nought.
Those that passed off life as an instrument, In death passes away from our reach.
We have no need for you kind. Begone!
Same dark hands took him and carried him into the deep.
Now, the tobacco executive. He was scared. His fatty stomach lurched. He knew he had not lead the most adventurous life. Just now, more valiant men fell away from paradise's and into a dark abyss.
He trembled. His voice cracked. He slackened his tongue, but before he could plead, the valkyries said:
Come! Do not tarry. Our sisters wait upon you, At your place on the oaken bench, By the great fire, the smell of boar meat.
No greater man can Valhalla admit.
Long had your product line suffered. Your market share had dipped. Ever daunting, but never daunted. You held the line from breach.
When lawsuits came, you threw back lawyers. When old customers died, you sought kids. When governments taxed, you smuggled. When your wife had cancer, Cartons to the hospital you sneaked.
A greater warrior there never can be! Vahalla rings with your glory.
With that, like a puff of smoke, they ascended.